Evil Angel
by Nikie Bleeker
Summary: Edward sees himself badly during times in his relationship with Bella. A songfic that illustrates these moments. Song: Evil Angel by Breaking Benjamin


Hey guys! This is my third fic. A One Shot inspired by the song Evil Angel by Breaking Benjamin. It's about how Edward reacts to certain times in his relationship with Bella. Hope you like it!

**"Evil Angel"**

She had walked in through the door of the biology class room. When her scent assailed my nostrils I thought that I would ruin everything that my family had built in a split second.

_Hold it together, birds of a feather,  
Nothing but lies and crooked wings._

But I knew that I had to do my best, if only for the sake of my family. But as time went by, I grew intrigued by the silent mind of the beautiful girl beside me. However monstrous I was I could not stay away from her. My desire to have her pained my mind and made me feel sick to my stomach.

_I have the answer, spreading the cancer,_

But never did her trust in me waver. Not once in all our time together. How could I doubt this feeling anymore? It felt so right and she reciprocated it. I would be good for her, I had to be.

_You are the faith inside me._

But I couldn't be good for her. Never could I give her total safety. When that fateful event happened I couldn't bear to look at the beautiful face that I had very nearly lost due to my own family's presence.

_No, don't  
Leave me to die here,  
Help me survive here.  
Alone, don't remember, remember._

How could I survive without her? I had no clue but I had to find a way. If only I could somehow shut myself off from what was happening. If only I had some form of guardian angel that would help protect me from my memories. But what kind of a guardian angel does a monster have? Surely only one that is as bad as the monster itself.

_Put me to sleep evil angel.  
Open your wings evil angel.  
_  
When I finally had her back in my life, I felt whole again. But I knew that she hid from me what I had really done to her, how deeply I had hurt her.

_I'm a believer,  
Nothing could be worse,_

I could tell how easy she was going on me when I rejoined her at her lunch table. The memories of the people present from when I was missing weren't pretty. But some were downright disgusting. Jessica could only think of how she hoped that Bella would now stop moping and Mike's mind kept mourning his lost chance at winning Bella's affections.

_All these imaginary friends.  
Hiding betrayal,  
Driving the nail,_

But I was back for Bella, hoping to do things right this time. I hoped that I would gain her forgiveness truly.

_Hoping to find a savior._

But the gods are not as forgiving as my beautiful Bella. When I hardly had her in my life, truly as my own, they saw fit to try to steal her away from me. For a second time in my life I thought that I would lose her forever. But she had to go on; she could not surrender, not for me.

_No, don't  
Leave me to die here,  
Help me survive here.  
Alone, don't  
Surrender, surrender._

How could I deal with myself? Everything that I ever wanted was embodied in this one perfect person and now someone was once again trying to steal her from me. I simply couldn't bear to see that happen.

_Put me to sleep evil angel.  
Open your wings evil angel._

The fear of losing her, of losing her presence in this world, ran through me. It immobilised me to my core until I heard the snarl coming from the threat to my existence.

_Oh.  
Fly over me evil angel.  
Why can't I breathe evil angel?_

This had to end, this dream, this nightmare. Wasn't there a limit to what one person could go through? A limit to the anxiety that any one person should feel in his life? I didn't want to know any more. I wished for the blissfulness of the dark.

_Put me to sleep evil angel.  
Open your wings evil angel._

I didn't know how to go on anymore. How could I continue on this path when so much was put at risk? So much was at stake, and for what? So that I could get what I wanted for myself? I wished that I could be punished but in my heart I knew that nothing could be worse than feeling this anxiety, anxiety for my love. It constricted my heart, making my chest feel heavy. How could I go on like this? For how much longer would I have to feel this way?

_Oh.  
Fly over me evil angel.  
Why can't I breathe evil angel?_


End file.
